Why Journal?

In doing Grief Support Groups for over 13 years there have been a lot of people that do not think journaling is for them. Without even trying it they make a big decision such as this. Then there are those that heal at a faster pace because they journal.  Here are some facts and some ideas to help you get started on your Grief Journey through Journaling.   

Research conducted at Southern Methodist University, the University of Texas and North Dakota State University shows that journal writing lowers stress and diminishes its symptoms. Writing about what has happened to us and how we feel about it for as little as two, 20-minute periods promotes emotional well being, boosts the immune system, lowers blood pressure and decreases heart rate.

Putting words on paper allows us to express our painful feelings rather than stuffing them and carrying them around inside of us. We can pour our hearts out in a journal any time we feel like it. Our journals are always there to receive our thoughts and feelings. Unlike structured grief workbooks, our journals give us room to progress through our healing process at our own pace and in our own way.

Although fancy journals with leather covers and gold edged pages are available in most bookstores, raw grief often doesn't fit on those pretty pages. Chances are you already have the most effective materials for starting a journal in your home. Spiral notebooks, composition books and sketchbooks allow you the freedom to be yourself without worrying about penmanship, spelling and grammar.

There is no right way to journal. During the early phase of grief you may not have the energy to set down more than a word or two each day to track your feelings or what you did. That’s fine. Every little bit helps.

Making lists is another good way to get started. You might want to make a list of what people have said that comforted you, a list of ways you can nurture yourself, or a list of all of the things about your loved one that you miss. The possibilities are endless.

As time goes on, writing will become easier. You may want to record the story of your loved one’s death and your feelings about it, your memories of the person who died and how knowing that person changed your life. Some people use their journals as a place to record prayers. Others write letters to their loved ones. Experiment to find out what works for you.

If you feel overwhelmed by your feelings and out of control as you write, take a break and set your journal aside. You can always pick it up again later or talk with your bereavement counselor about other avenues of healing.

Because it is common for memory to be affected with acute grief, make to-do lists, and keep them right in your journal or day planner. 

7. Make other lists, as well. Lists are great for organizing and categorizing, and their structure is comforting when things feel like they are spinning out of control. Write lists of your emotions, memories, plans, ideas, fantasies and more.

8. Before you go to bed, choose something you'd like to experience the following day -- a feeling of hope or pleasure; an item crossed off a to?do list; an experience such as a productive meeting or a gym workout. Write this "Choice du Jour" in your journal. As you go to sleep, reflect on your choice. How would you recognize success? What can you do to arrange your day to increase the likelihood that your choice will manifest? At night, write for five minutes reflecting on outcomes.

9. When you are aching with longing for your loved one, write "Captured Moments" --brief vignettes written quickly, like impressionistic sketches, of instants of time. Make them intense with vivid descriptions. Reach for sensory details -- the sight, smell, touch, taste, feel of things. Include the emotional senses, too, finding precise words for feelings. A collection of Captured Moments becomes like a written photo album, preserving precious memories for all time. 

10. AlphaPoems are an easy and structured way to get started with poetic expression. Write the alphabet, or the letters of any word or phrase, vertically down the side of your page. Then write a poem in which each successive line begins with the next letter on the page. (It's perfectly xceptable to make xceptions for xtra hard letters.) Try this even if you think you're not a poet, or that the process sounds silly. You'll likely be amazed at how easily the poem comes, and how much like a poem it actually sounds. Here's an AlphaPoem called "Grief," from Taylor's journal:

A crushing
bellow
calls from deep inside
driving to be heard
ever so
frightening, ever so demanding,
grief
hits with a tornado's force,
igniting the fire,
jarring the senses,
kicking the safety and comfort away.
Lamenting the loss, the pain
mere words cannot begin to describe.
No, words cannot do justice to the
once-held, once-loved, always-remembered
passion. 'Tis
queer this experience
required in life.
Solace can be found
tonight, tomorrow--
until once again the
vine of death crawls in my
window, playing the
xylophone of harmony lost.
Yes, I will go on. You will never be
zero.

Sometimes the only way to get through devastation is to imagine a time when it might not hurt so much. Write a "One Year from Today" entry in which you fast-forward yourself to the healing side of the grief. Allow yourself a glimpse into the future. Imagine your life as if you have wheeled around through four seasons, and you are one year distant from the losses you are experiencing today.

Be sure to click on the other Journaling links for more exciting things about Journaling.